For loved ones

For families, partners and friends

This page exists because families need support too. It grew out of working with families, particularly those living alongside an eating disorder, who were often carrying an enormous amount while trying to work out how best to help someone they love. Here you can find guidance on what to do, how to approach difficult conversations, and how I can support you directly, whether or not the person you are worried about ever becomes my client.

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Two people sitting together in a calm, naturally lit room

You are not doing this wrong, and you are not the only one doing it.

Almost every family I speak to arrives with the same two beliefs: that they have handled this badly, and that other families would have handled it better. Neither is usually true, and both make an already exhausting situation heavier than it needs to be.

How I can help you

Three things, all of which are for you rather than for the person you are worried about.

A family consultation

One session · for you

You do not need the person you are worried about to be my client, or even to know you have come. We would look at what you are actually seeing, what your realistic options are, how to open the conversation, and what to do if it goes badly.

Carer skills sessions

A short block, usually four to six

Practical support for families and carers navigating an eating disorder. We work on how to communicate when the eating disorder is taking over, how to stop family life becoming organised around the eating disorder while still offering warmth and support, and how to hold boundaries without every interaction becoming a battle.

Joint sessions

When the person is already working with me

Sometimes the most useful hour is one with both of you in it, to work out what helpful support actually looks like, understand what each of you needs, or make space for a conversation that keeps getting stuck at home. Joint sessions are always collaborative and only happen with the person’s consent.

What I can and cannot offer

If an adult family member is working with me, I cannot discuss their sessions, or confirm that they are a client, without their consent. I know that can sometimes feel difficult when you are worried about someone you love, but confidentiality is an important part of creating a space where people can speak openly and honestly.

I cannot make someone come to therapy if they are not ready. What I can do is help you think about how to approach them, what support might be helpful, and what remains within your control.

Physical health needs to be assessed and monitored by an appropriate medical professional, such as a GP. With eating disorders, psychological and nutritional work often needs to sit alongside medical monitoring rather than replace it.

Family-based treatment (FBT) for adolescents is a specific, evidence-based treatment requiring appropriate training and delivery. Where FBT is indicated, I will be clear about this and help you find the right support rather than offering something that falls outside the treatment model.

Questions families ask

Did we cause this?

No. Eating disorders are complex illnesses and are not caused by families. For many years, families, and particularly parents, were unfairly blamed for the development of eating disorders. We now understand that the picture is far more complex. What families can do is become an important part of the environment that supports recovery.

Should I be watching what they eat?

It depends on the person, their age, their level of risk and the treatment they are receiving. With adults, becoming the food monitor can sometimes create more tension and pull the relationship into the eating disorder. With children and adolescents, particularly within family-based treatment, active parental involvement around eating may be an important part of treatment. This is something to agree with the treating team rather than trying to navigate alone.

Can I book therapy for them?

You can help them find support and you can pay for therapy, but an adult needs to consent to treatment themselves. Where possible, I prefer the first contact to come from them, even if you have done all the searching behind the scenes. If that feels difficult, we can talk first about how you might help them take that step.

How long does this take?

There is no reliable timeline for recovery, and I would rather not give you a number that may not fit the person you love. What I can say is that recovery is possible, even when progress feels slow or difficult to see. The uncertainty can be one of the hardest parts for families, and it is something you deserve support with too.

You are not the only one doing this

One last thing, because families often need to hear it plainly. The fact that you are here, reading and trying to understand what to do next, does not mean you should already have the answers. It means you care about someone who is struggling, and looking for support is often an important first step.

You do not need to arrive with a plan, a diagnosis or the right words. You can bring the situation exactly as it is, complicated and unresolved. That is enough to start with.

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If you would like to talk about what you are looking for, please reach out. There is no pressure and no threshold you have to cross first.

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